A Knight On The Couch
by duckys-dream
Summary: Castle knew her maybe even better than she knew herself, though she'd never admit it to him. She knew that he'd notice the change in her almost instantly, despite the subtly of it, but was also fairly confident that he wouldn't figure out right away just exactly why she was acting differently
1. Notice

_A story also known affectionately (affection ... with a lot of swearing and fist shaking when I got blocked three quarters of the way through) as 'Steve'. I mean ... a story definitely NOT called Steve!_

_Definitely, definitely not called Steve._

_For my niece, because she chose me. ;)_

_... And because she betas for me (all remaining mistakes are my own) and goes all Paula Haas on my ass when I'm not tapping out fic fast enough._

* * *

Castle knew her so well, they were both well aware of the fact. He knew her maybe even better than she knew herself, sometimes she was sure of it – though she'd never admit it to him. She knew that he'd notice the change in her almost instantly, despite the subtly of it, but was also fairly confident that he wouldn't figure out right away just exactly _why_ she was acting differently.

* * *

She looked at him in a different way, more thoughtfully and for longer seconds. She looked sadder as well. The strength and determination were still there but tinged with an edge of sadness and a hint of something else Castle couldn't read. Longing? He pondered, resolving to keep that thought quiet while his dear detective was still armed.

He noticed, too, when her touches began to linger just a moment longer as he handed over her coffee every morning. She'd let her knuckles bump against his when they were walking side by side. She'd brush against him when they were standing in the elevator. Most recently though, today, while they were leaning back against the edge of her desk staring at the murder board, she'd canted her body towards him, her upper arm resting against his as she let her weight rest slightly against him.

Castle was sure that at any moment her head would come to rest against his shoulder but he didn't dare hope. She drew a deep breath in through her nose, her bottom lip disappearing behind her teeth. Castle turned his head slightly to catch a glimpse of her while her gaze was still focussed on the board in front of them, making sure not to move his body. She looked exhausted; dark circles under each of her eyes and deeper lines at their corners, her skin looked paler and her blinks were milliseconds longer than they normally were.

"Let's call it a day, Beckett," Castle said. "We aren't getting any further tonight, it's already well after ten." He said checking his watch. The bullpen was nearly deserted and Beckett had sent Ryan and Esposito home hours ago, remaining with Castle to scrutinise over the details and timeline of the case. Beckett sighed and nodded, looking from him back to the murder board briefly before pushing away from the desk, away from Castle, and moving around to gather her belongings.

"We'll come back in the morning with fresh eyes, ok?" Castle said attempting to pour as much reassurance into the statement as he could. "We'll get him, you'll get your guy, after food and sleep."

"Ok," She nodded, glancing up at Castle as she picked up her jacket and he did the same. The look was there again, the unidentified emotion. It was longing, Castle decided quickly, a longing for comfort. A longing to be near another human being, she was seeking solace and consolation with her eyes and with simple subtle touches.

"Food, then sleep," Castle reiterated before his brain registered it, the words were tumbling out of his mouth. "So what are you craving, Detective Beckett?" He asked reaching out and adjusting the collar of her jacket as she shrugged into the heavy material. "Pizza?" He asked as they headed towards the elevator, emboldened by the fact she hadn't turned him down outright. She hadn't huffed an unamused laugh, she hadn't rolled her eyes, she'd simply kept in step with him as they headed across the bullpen.

"Chinese?" Beckett offered after a moment of silence, standing waiting for the elevator car to reach them.

"I could go for Chinese," Castle nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind, then, changed his mind again. "Come back to the loft and we'll order in from our favourite place, it's open all night and it shouldn't be too long of a wait. It's not far from my building. I'm sure we can find a mindless movie on one of the thousand cable channels available and we can stretch out and relax for a while. We can run theory, if you like, or not." He shrugged, reaching out an arm to hold the elevator doors open.

"Thank you, Castle," Beckett whispered as she stepped into the elevator car ahead of him. "I," She stopped as she turned to face him when he stepped up beside her. "Thank you," She said offering him a half smile. "I'm kind of tired, you drive?" She asked and Castle looked at her in disbelief, blinking quickly. Beckett rolled her eyes before silently handing him the keys. "Shut your mouth, Castle, you look like you're catching flies." She said reaching forward and hitting the button for the lobby.


	2. Hold

_Someone asked (unsigned review) will this take much time. The answer is no, give me two weeks? Tops. Depending on boring real life stuff like my job._

_I may be persuaded to move things along a bit though, who knows. :) Stay tuned!  
_

* * *

He figured it out more quickly than she thought he would, but she wasn't really that surprised. He knew that she didn't want to be alone and he was, as always, ever the gentleman. He didn't ask questions, he didn't push, he simply offered her suggestions and let her decide how they'd spend their evening.

She knew he'd do anything she asked. He knew she wouldn't ask.

His acceptance of the change in her and his quick realisation of what it was came as no real surprise but his next action was nothing she would ever have expected. As the lift doors closed in front of them he turned towards her swiftly but smoothly. One of his hands came to rest against her hip, pushing gently and guiding her to turn to face him and she sucked in a quick breath, eyes going wide, at the sudden contact.

"Don't shoot me," He whispered as his other hand slid across her side, under her arm and around her back. As his arm wrapped around her, the hand against her hip glided around to join it. A small squeak of surprise escaped her lips without her permission as Castle pulled her against his chest in a warm, affectionate hug but she made no move to pull away or stop his progress.

Just what exactly the _hell_ did he think he was doing?! He couldn't just hug her in the precinct elevator! Except he _was_ and she was lodging absolutely no protest. In fact her arms came up, almost automatically, her hands lying with flat palms against his biceps as his arms linked loosely around her waist. Her head came to rest against one of his shoulders before she'd even realised it.

Time stretched and contracted and Beckett had no idea how long they stood together, Castle holding her, surrounding her and filling her with a strange kind of warmth she hadn't felt in a long, long time. She wasn't aware of anything except _her_ writer and the steady beat of his heart under her ear until the elevator dinged to let them know they'd arrived at their destination and, as quickly as Castle had moved to her, he stepped away.

She missed his warmth instantly but was thankful for his discretion as he reached out once again to hold the doors back so she could step out into the lobby first. Still stunned Beckett tried to decide whether it had felt longer than the ride from the fourth floor or whether the time had passed in an instant. It felt like both at the same time and she was still struggling with the thought as her body moved on autopilot out of the elevator and across the lobby. Castle reached out silently and lay his hand against the small of her back, keeping pace beside her as they moved towards her Crown Vic. Castle dropped his hand and moved away from Beckett only once they reached the vehicle.

"Castle, I," Beckett started but stopped, unable to find words. She glanced at him across the top of the car, her hand stalling before she opened the passenger side door.

"I'm thinking mu shu beef," He offered. "And a whole pile of those little dumpling things." He said, nodding with finality as he opened his door. "We better get a double order if you want some too."

"Sure," Beckett smiled and nodded, studying the man before her for a second longer before he disappeared inside the car, settling himself behind the steering wheel.

The strong, kind, dedicated man she'd come to know and rely on; the man who had hugged her because he sensed she needed comfort without knowing really why; the man who wasn't going to mention it until she did; the man who was giving her an out, again, if she wanted to pretend it had never happened.

The man who would give her endless chances.

The man who loved her.

The man who she loved back without being able to tell him for reasons she wasn't even sure she understood anymore.

"And the crispy skinned chicken with those crunchy noodle things." Castle said as Beckett finally opened her door and slid into her seat.

"And special fried rice,"

"I like the way you think, Detective." Castle smiled. Beckett returned the smile, not dwelling on the almost foreign feeling of it - her lips stretching and being whetted by the tip of her tongue just visible between her teeth. She hadn't realised it had been so long since she'd smiled a full and genuine smile.

* * *

As soon as Beckett was inside the car with her door closed she settled back comfortably into the seat with a deep sigh. She let her eyes drop closed and stifled a yawn, confirming Castle's observation that she was truly tired. Something had been off about her all day, or for the last few days, he wasn't sure. Beckett had already been at the precinct engrossed in paperwork when he'd arrived with her coffee at seven that morning. They'd been there until almost midnight the night before and none of it was really out of the ordinary. There was an open case and all their leads were going cold, one by one.

There was something more than just being tired though. It was tired beyond tired. She was worn out, exhausted. There was a reason behind it and Castle found himself determined, in that moment, to find out just what was going on but not right now. He wanted to give her some space and some time to gather her thoughts and get out of work mode and so he remained silent during the drive back to his loft. He glanced at her in his peripheral vision occasionally but she hardly moved, didn't speak, didn't even open her eyes until he pulled the car to a stop at a set of traffic lights a few blocks from his building.

Beckett blinked quickly, rubbing one hand across her eyes and glancing out the windshield to reorient herself. "Doze off?" Castle asked, unsure what else to say.

"Must have," Beckett nodded, still trying to blink away the lingering fog of sleep. Castle opened his mouth again, almost unable to stand it any longer. "Castle," Beckett said, reaching out and placing a finger against his lips, cutting him off before he could speak. Castle's mouth snapped shut and he blinked several times before glancing across at Beckett, looking back to the road as the light turned green and Beckett withdrew her hand. "I know how hard it must have been for you to stay silent all this time, and I really appreciate it and I had no idea you could last this long but,"

"Why Detective Beckett," Castle interrupted, his voice dropping to a low, almost seductive tone as he glanced across at her again. "I would be more than happy to demonstrate for you just how long I can," He paused waggling his eyes brows suggestively towards the detective beside him. "_Last_," He said finally, dragging the vowel sound out.

"Castle," She sighed, slight amusement filtering into her tone as she rolled her eyes. "Thank you for giving me some space, and thank you for giving me a hug, and thank you for just generally being there and being quiet for once in your life, I do appreciate it. I do," She sighed again.

"But," Castle prompted.

"But I'm just," She paused, pulling her bottom lip in behind her teeth. "I need a little more time to sort through all this and figure out how to verbalise it." She said, handing him the victory of acknowledging that he had in fact figured out that _something_ was going on. "I don't want to be misunderstood or end up tripping over my own words to try and tell you what I mean. Let's just eat dinner and relax first, like you said. Let me get my ducks in a row and you can knock 'em down one by one with all those questions slushing around inside your head, ok?"

"Slushing?" Castle asked, pulling the Crown Vic into a parking space and cutting the engine.

"Swirling? Twirling? I don't know Castle, you're the writer, not me. I can't promise that I'll answer all your questions but I promise I'll at least listen to them all."

"Ok," Castle smiled unbuckling his seatbelt and turning slightly towards Beckett. "Sort your duckies out and I'll," He hesitated for a second and Beckett knew exactly what was about to happen. He was about to deliver another line dripping with innuendo and she had set herself up for it. "Prepare my weapon for hunting season." He said, punctuating the statement with a wink.

"Oh, jeez," Beckett said pinching the bridge of her nose with one hand while she undid her seatbelt with the other. "Feed me, Castle," She said glancing across at him, not completely able to hide her smile, before exiting the vehicle. Castle was right behind her, his hand taking up position on the small of her back again as they made their way in silence to his loft.

* * *

_Yep, made Castle say duckies. I'm aware of how bad the "prepare my weapon for hunting season" thing is, but I couldn't think of anything else - suggestions always welcome. Credit always given._

_Hugs also accepted and returned.  
_


	3. Reveal

_This chapter makes me crave Chinese food, not gonna lie._

* * *

The loft was empty when Castle unlocked the door and let them in. "Alexis is having a sleepover with some friends," He explained as he took her coat and hung it up before sweeping an arm towards the kitchen by way of invitation. "Mother is away upstate, visiting friends until after the weekend. Wine?" He asked as Beckett sat down at the kitchen counter.

"Soda?" Beckett asked.

"Sure," Castle nodded lifting the phone handset from its cradle and sliding it towards Beckett. "Diet or regular?"

"Regular, please." She smiled and picked up the phone, already dialling the number for their favourite place. Castle placed a can of soda on the counter in front of Beckett with one hand, holding up the restaurant menu with the other. Beckett wrinkled her nose slightly and shook her head, pursing her lips before giving way to a grin.

Castle bent forward and placed his elbows on the bench, resting his chin between the palms of his hands and looking towards Beckett with over exaggerated awe, all wide eyes and slow blinks, as she ordered a meal for them in numbers and without even glancing at the menu. Beckett rolled her eyes, reaching out and flicking the end of Castle's nose before opening her soda and taking a sip.

"Ow," Castle recoiled with a backward step and straightened up, rubbing his nose before picking up his soda and opening the can. Beckett confirmed that the order was for two and checked they had the correct delivery address before ending the call and holding the phone towards Castle. "I'm not really sure what it means that you're so proficient at that," Castle said taking the handset and replacing it in the cradle.

"Ordering Chinese?" Beckett asked and Castle nodded. "I love Chinese, Castle, you already knew that. So do you, that's why we have it so often. We've been filling practically the same order, at the same restaurant, at least once a week for the last three years."

"It's good Chinese," Castle nodded.

"You already told me what you wanted as we were leaving the precinct, it's the same thing you have just about every time now."

"Just what exactly are you insinuating?"

"You're predictable." Beckett shrugged.

"I am _not_," Castle said, indignant. "I like to think of myself as a very well rounded guy with many varying tastes and a broad sense of adventure. I'll have you know, Detective Beckett, that I quite often branch out and try new things when I'm not dining with you."

"With me?" Beckett laughed. "You're blaming _me_ for _your_ being so predictable? Castle,"

"It's true," Castle cut her off, more whine in his tone than he meant to allow. "I stick to a standard order when we're having Chinese because I know _you_ too well."

"Castle," Beckett said again, rolling her eyes again but still smiling. "I can't wait to hear how your dining habits have anything to do with me and how well you know me."

"It's easy," Castle began, hints of his storyteller tone drifting into his voice. "You love mu shu beef and the crispy skinned chicken with the noodle things but not as much as you love the combination chow mein and the tom yum soup, so I order your third and fourth preference because I know, I _know_, that you'll pilfer some in exchange for a wonton out of your soup, a few mouthfuls of your chow mein and by throwing a few extra prawns my way when we dig into the fried rice. I know that you'll enjoy it that much more because you get a bit of everything you like and I know this because I know you."

He looked endlessly pleased with himself, so proud to know her so well, his chest puffing out slightly and a broad smile covering his face. He deflated instantly, smile fading to concern when he saw Beckett's reactions to his statement. She didn't smile, she didn't swat at him or roll her eyes. Instead her face fell to a frown and she looked away from him quickly, swallowing hard as if there was something sticky in the back of her throat.

"Beckett," Castle started, stepping around the counter and coming to sit on a stool beside her. "Kate," He said reaching out and taking hold of one of her hands. "I never said it was unfair or that I wanted to change it," He offered. "You always give me equal amounts in return and I love the dishes you love, I enjoy them and I enjoy them even more when I'm able to share them with you."

"That's the whole point though, isn't it," Beckett said. "You're sharing them with me, you're picking dishes that you know I like because you _do_ know me so well but what about you? What about having things that you like so you get all your favourites? You do so much for me, Castle, and you don't even think about it. It's not a conscious decision for you because you're just a genuinely nice guy and you like making people happy."

"No," Castle shook his head, squeezing her hand gently and waiting until she looked up at him. "I appreciate you stroking my ego but that's not how it is, that's not all of it, you're only seeing a small part of the whole picture. I try to be a nice guy and my whole job is entertaining other people, in some way, but I don't go out of my way to do it, I just do it. I only go out of my way to do things to make _you_ happy, Kate, and that's because when you're happy, I'm happy. I pick your favourite dishes to share with you because it's _you_. It's not about the food, it's not about the dumplings or the prawns or the wontons or the crunchy noodle things, it's about you. Only you.

"You need time and I know that, not just to get your duckies in a row but for other things. We have a lot of conversations to have over time and I don't care how long it takes, I'll wait. I'll wait for you and I'll keep ordering our favourite dishes from our favourite Chinese restaurant because it's what I have with you right now. It's what you can give me, right now, and I'm not going to pass that up. I'm going to take it and appreciate it to the fullest of my ability.

"You're my favourite thing, Beckett, you're what I enjoy and you're what makes me happy. You're what I like and what I want. You know that, don't you. You've known it since spring, lying in the grass that day, when I told you how I felt." She gasped, lifting her eyes to his and he simply smiled gently, knowingly. "Haven't you."

"Yes," She breathed the word.

"So I'll keep waiting."

"Castle," Beckett said and squeezed her eyes closed against tears. "Rick," She whispered. "I wish that," She stopped and opened her eyes, holding his gaze and shaking her head with a small shrug.

"I know," Castle nodded. "Me too."

"Someday?" She offered weakly, drawing a deep breath and willing the wet shine in her eyes to go away, willing herself not to cry.

"Any day," Castle smiled, leaning forward and brushing his lips across her cheek in a soft, sweet kiss. They both jumped when Beckett's mobile phone trilled loudly from the back pocket of her jeans. She rolled her lips, studying Castle's face for a second longer before breaking the spell completely and answering the phone.

"Lanie, hi," She said having read the ID tag before swiping her finger across the glass screen and lifting the phone to her ear. "What's up?" She asked glancing at Castle as he rose to his feet, moving out of her personal space.

_"Hey girl, you still up?" Lanie asked. "I didn't wake you."_

"No, you didn't wake me." She said. She looked up at Castle and chewed her bottom lip for a moment. "Castle and I only left the precinct about an hour ago, we're just grabbing a bite before we catch twenty. Why?"

_"Wait a minute, you're with Castle right now?" Lanie asked and Beckett could almost hear her friend's eyebrows rising towards her hairline in an expectant glare._

"Yes, Lanie, I'm with Castle right now. We're about to be deeply engrossed and involved with each other and a lot of Chinese takeout.".

_"It is almost midnight, Katherine Beckett,"_

"I promise I won't turn him into a pumpkin," Beckett said rolling her eyes and Castle grinned. "Why are you ringing so late, anyway?" She asked.

_"Oh," Lanie said almost sheepishly. "Well, that's a good question," She said and hesitated for a moment. "I just wanted to let you know that Javi, I mean Detective Esposito, won't make it in to the twelfth tomorrow. He's in the hospital right now and he's ok, he's ok, but they think it's his appendix so they want to keep him overnight to make sure."_

"Are you with him?" Beckett asked, not looking for an opening to tease, only concerned for her friend and colleague.

_"Yeah," Lanie sighed. "He called me a few hours ago and I brought him to the hospital. He's resting right now but I told him I'd call you and let you know, he said he'd place a call to Captain Gates in the morning."_

"Thanks for letting me know and give him our best. We'll check in tomorrow and come visit if he's still there."

_"Ok," Lanie said. "Thanks girl, now you enjoy yourself and don't do anything I wouldn't."_

"Night Lanie," Beckett said smiling and rolling her eyes as she disconnected the call.

"Everything ok?" Castle asked.

"Yeah, it's fine," Beckett nodded placing the phone down on the counter. "Espo is in the hospital with what they think is appendicitis. He's fine though, Lanie's there taking care of him."

"Oh, she is?" Castle asked, his pitch rising as a playful glint sparkled in his eyes.

"Don't smirk like that, Castle," Beckett smiled. "She would have had exactly the same expression when she found out we were together."

"We are not established, we don't have history like Esplanie." Castle said.

"Still with the Esplanie thing?" Beckett asked with a groan.

"All the good couples have a name, Beckett, it's just how it is. If we were together we'd be,"

"Caskett?" Beckett offered, crossing her arms across her chest and fixing Castle with an expectant look, trying and failing to keep the smile off her face.

"I was going to say Beckle, but I like yours better. I like how quick that was, almost as if you'd spent some time maybe thinking about it." He said narrowing his eyes slightly before they went wide with barely contained excitement as his brain began putting words together. "What about Rickett? Rick, Beckett? Rickett."

"We are not having this conversation right now," Beckett said rolling her eyes.

"How about Kack? Kate and Rick. Or Kastle with a K but that's not really fair." He mused, talking more to himself than to Beckett. "We could go with Kathard or Richrine, I guess."

"Oh my, God," Beckett groaned, shaking her head. Castle was pulled from his deliberations by a knock at the door. Beckett let out a puff of air, hoping that this was enough to end Castle's train of thought.

"Relieved to be spared my brilliant cogitation, Detective?" Castle asked, not missing the slight increase in the slope of Beckett's shoulders as she relaxed on her stool.

"Brilliant cogitation, Castle? Kathard and Richrine are brilliant cogitations? You're a bestselling novelist, right?" She asked and Castle offered her an impish grin and shrugged his shoulders as he made his way towards the front door to collect their dinner. "If that's what you were coming up with no wonder you needed a muse," Beckett mumbled under her breath.

"Maybe, if it were ever to happen someday, we'd be together and we'd be Rite." Castle said fixing her with an odd lopsided half smile. He didn't let his gaze linger long enough to see Beckett's reaction, instead turning away from her and pulling the door open. "Donny, hi, how's everything going?" She heard him ask, his full attention on the delivery boy standing outside the door.

"Maybe," Beckett whispered, the hint of a smile creasing the corners of her mouth and a glimmer of something else replacing the sheen of tears which had been contained in her eyes.

* * *

_Hey, look! Castle said duckies again!_

_And that whole thing with the ... I don't even know. I think I'm attempting to create a new genre; Fluffquish or Anguff? It could even be Feelff or Flufeelz!_

_I'll stop now._

_These feelz took me as much by surprise as anyone else and at least 50% of this chapter was literally 'the awkward moment when your characters are having a conversation you never intended to write for them'. So there you go, I hope it wasn't painful?  
_

___Also; it's massive and I'm aware of that. I don't know why, these chapters just sort of keep getting bigger completely without my permission. I think, after this one, they'll go back to a respectable and decent ~1500 words each. Maybe? That's the plan anyway._


	4. Share

_So, ok, I kind of hated that last chapter. I didn't hate it, exactly, but I was definitely terrified of it on some level and I don't really know why. But it was ok? That's the impression that I get via reviews. No one said they hated it, so let's go with that! Yay? I hope you enjoy this one too.  
_

_So...  
_

_Welcome to the floor Assertive Decisive!Beckett. I hope you like her? Feel free to borrow her. She's kind of not really mine anyway...  
_

_Or boss me around and tell me what I should be doing with her...I respond well to that.  
_

_Are you judging me right now?  
_

* * *

They spread themselves out in the living room to eat, relaxing into the comfortable over stuffed couch with cardboard boxes full of Chinese food spread out between them. The silence that settled over them while they ate was reflective and comfortable, each lost in their own thoughts and giving in to the weariness that had been lingering over both of them for most of the last week, since the body dropped.

Beckett paid attention to the underlying method and ritual of their shared meal as if she'd never noticed it before. She _hadn't_ noticed it before. They didn't need to speak in order to share because the give and take between them was precise and well-practiced. They knew on instinct which box the other would reach for and in which order, constantly taking silent cues from each other.

Beckett smiled when Castle casually pushed the container of fried rice towards her with one hand, the other holding the container now half filled with crispy skinned chicken. She picked up the container which held her remaining tom yum soup and stopped, chopsticks poised to fish out wontons.

Usually she'd place the wontons inside the box alongside the large pieces of chicken Castle had left for her, stealing the tender meat before pushing the container back. It was time for a change, she decided quickly. It was time to force the situation to evolve just beyond what they (she) had grown so comfortable with. She owed him this much, she owed it to him to at least try. He'd been so sweet to her. He hadn't pushed her, even knowing there was a story there waiting to be told. He was waiting for her to tell him what was wrong in her own time. She reached out and shifted the containers between them onto the coffee table, acting before she had time to talk herself out of it.

"Here," She said, her voice loud to her own ears after the silence, shifting closer to Castle on the couch. Castle jumped slightly, having been lost in thought and surprised by the sudden interruption. He turned to look at her, his blue eyes clearing as he focused on her face. She was now only a foot away from him, turned sideways with one leg tucked up underneath her, the other hanging over the edge of the couch. The knee of the leg tucked underneath her brushed gently against his thigh. "Want some?" She asked holding up a wonton she'd managed to grab hold of as she moved, relaxing sideways and letting her elbow come to rest along the top of the backrest.

Castle nodded mutely and looked down at the chicken in his hand for a second, blinking quickly as if he'd only just noticed the container, before holding it towards her, waiting for her to deposit the dough wrapped treasure. Beckett smiled even more broadly and held the wonton towards him, parting her lips slightly in a silent "ahh" as her eyes dropped to Castle's mouth. She suppressed a giggle when she saw his eyes go wide in her peripheral vision before he opened his mouth. "They're good," She said depositing the small boiled dumpling in his mouth.

"Good," Castle grunted, nodding as he chewed and Beckett finally let the giggle escape from her chest. Castle met her eyes and held them for a second before smiling a broad goofy smile. "Chicken?" He asked gesturing towards her with the container and Beckett smiled and nodded, her bottom lip disappearing behind her teeth for a second before she opened her mouth slightly. Castle picked up a piece of chicken with his chopsticks and held it towards Beckett, sliding it between her lips and dropping it delicately onto her tongue.

"Thank you," She said around the mouthful, and Castle's smile grew so wide it almost didn't fit on his face anymore. "More?" She asked looking down at her soup and concentrating as she grabbed hold of another wonton. When she looked back up Castle was studying her face. "What, Castle?" She asked quietly, heat creeping across her cheeks.

"Nothing," Castle said shaking his head and offering her a smile. "Here, have some more chicken," He said picking up another piece of chicken and holding it out for her. She took the mouthful before offering Castle the wonton she'd picked out of her soup. "Have you tried the mu shu yet?" He asked as he swallowed.

"No," Beckett said shaking her head.

"It's really tender," He said reaching forward and picking up the container from the coffee table. "The last one we had was a bit dry," He said digging around in the container and loading a suitable mouthful between his chopsticks before holding it up, a look of complete concentration on his face as he fed Beckett.

"That wasn't beef," Beckett said, looking thoughtful.

"Oh, it wasn't either, it was duck."

"Poor duckies," Beckett sighed, trying and failing to suppress a smile.

"All ducks go to heaven," Castle offered and Beckett rolled her eyes, grin still plastered across her face. They settled into a new kind of silence for the rest of their meal. Feeding each other and swapping smiles, chuckling or giggling occasionally at near misses with dropped morsels of food or over ambitiously loaded chopsticks. "Save room for dessert," Castle said as he used his thumb to guide the stray end of a noodle and a drip of sauce from Beckett's lip into her mouth, unable to hide the catch in his breath when she sucked the pad of his thumb gently.

"Ok," She smiled, almost deviously, before reaching for another container of food.

* * *

_Super-ultra-mega short chapter here, heavy on dialogue, but fun? I was aiming for fun.  
_

_Just for Hamlets-pirate, Beckett said duckies. :)  
I told you I respond well to being told what to do! You didn't believe me, did you? Well, now you should.  
_

_And you heard the man; save room for dessert! _

_No, seriously, that's the whole premise for the next chapter so don't spoil it by eating too many vegetables or something.  
_


	5. Act

_I'm not sorry. :)_

* * *

"I'm pretty sure I've never enjoyed a meal quite that much," Castle said from the kitchen looking towards Beckett who was still sitting comfortably on the couch. He'd insisted she stay put while he cleared away the leftovers of their dinner, storing the remaining food in plastic containers and stacking them in the fridge. They'd eaten their fill and remained on the couch talking, both sated and content.

"It was fun," Beckett smiled and nodded, watching over the back of the couch as Castle moved easily through the kitchen.

"We should definitely do it again," Castle said with a suggestive wink and Beckett rolled her eyes. "Coffee?" He offered.

"Sure, thanks," She nodded, watching him for a few minutes while he began preparing coffee before dropping her head and looking down at her lap, lost in thought.

"Did you save room for dessert?" Castle asked, his voice almost directly above her and Beckett jumped, looking towards him quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He said handing her a mug of coffee. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," She nodded, sipping the coffee, her attention still elsewhere.

"Beckett," Castle started as he sat down on the couch in front of her, his thigh not quite touching her knee where it was still bent up on the couch. He considered her thoughtfully for a moment, tossing up his next words before opening his mouth to speak. "Did you save room for dessert?" He asked again and she nodded.

"What've you got for me?"

"Close your eyes," Castle said with a grin, sipping his coffee before setting the mug down on the coffee table. Beckett narrowed her eyes slightly before heaving an exaggerated sigh, setting her mug down near Castle's and complying with his request. She squeezed her eyes closed against the temptation to peak as she felt Castle shifting on the couch in front of her. He'd obviously used her earlier distraction to stash something behind the couch before bringing her coffee around. "Open your mouth," Castled instructed in a deep voice, leaning forward to speak almost directly into her ear, his hand brushing her hip as he braced himself against the couch beside her.

Beckett pulled her bottom lip in behind her teeth, wrinkling her nose. "Trust me," She heard him say and the plea hidden in the words almost broke her heart. She opened her mouth almost instantly, trying to show him that she did trust him.

And she did. Implicitly.

A moment later something cold brushed against her bottom lip and she closed her mouth around a spoon, opening her eyes and offering Castle a smile as the creamy taste of strawberries, laced with rich chocolate, spread over her tongue. "Ice cream," she grinned swallowing and licking her lips.

"More?" Castle asked and Beckett nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes please," She said licking her lips again before opening her mouth. Castle smiled and loaded another spoonful of ice cream, delighting in the way Beckett leant towards him as he offered it to her. "My turn," Beckett said taking the spoon from him and digging it into the tub of ice cream in his other hand. She shifted her gaze from their dessert to his face and rolled her eyes when she saw him with his mouth already open and waiting, eager as always.

"Beckett," Castle all but swore, his face filled with indignation when she diverted the spoon just before it reached his lips to feed herself the ice cream. Beckett giggled, filling another spoonful quickly and eating it while Castle watched, her mouth still full but unable to resist temptation. The indignation turned to a pout and Castle started to mumble something about sharing.

His words were cut off halfway through, stolen from his mouth by Beckett's lips. She'd moved so fast Castle didn't even register it, his eyes flying wide as he let out a high pitched squeak. The shock dissolving quickly as his brain registered the feel of her chilled tongue tracing the curve of his still slightly protruding bottom lip.

Castle's lips parted at the gentle insistence of her tongue and all at once his mouth was bombarded with the fruity taste of strawberry ice cream and the unmistakable flavour of her. The cool slide of her tongue against his in direct contrast to the warmth of her body as she pushed closer to him, rising up on her knee, her thigh pressed along the length of his. She brought one hand up to brace herself against his shoulder as she swung her body more fully towards him, reaching out with the other hand and taking hold of the tub of ice cream, the spoon tumbling unnoticed to the floor.

The movement was quick but smooth as she came to rest in his lap, one leg pressed into the back of the couch as she straddled his thighs, her lips never leaving his. Castle tangled one hand in her hair, tipping her head slightly and deepening the kiss, the other hand came to her hip.

Beckett flinched and broke her mouth away from Castle's, a breathy laugh filling the tiny space between them. "Your fingers are freezing," She smiled, resting her forehead against his. Castle smiled and ran the tips of his fingers, which he'd slid under the hem of her shirt and onto her bare skin, along the bottom of her spine.

"From the ice cream tub," Castle offered with a shrug. "You taste amazing," He said stealing a quick, chaste kiss before moving backward slightly, rolling his lips and looking both satisfied and starved at the same time.

"The ice cream,"

"No," Castle shook his head. "It's you," He said. "It's all you."

"Not so bad yourself," Beckett smiled.

"What are we doing, Kate?" Castle asked and Beckett sighed.

"There's so much that I want to say to you," Beckett said. "There's so much that I want to tell you and that I want to explain. So much," She said shaking her head, looking away from Castle. "You deserve so much more than this." She said, her voice catching slightly.

"For a start, that's just bullshit," Castle said. "And I don't care what you think I do and don't deserve, Beckett, I don't give a rats ass, all that counts is what I want."

"You're really on a roll with the casual swearing tonight," Beckett said with a half-smile.

"You know what I want," Castle said and Beckett nodded. "And you know I'll wait, you know I'll take whatever you can give me in the meantime. Piece by piece we'll get there - one ducky at a time. You've given me so much tonight and I know it must have cost you, I know it's taxing for you to open yourself up to me but I promise you, Kate, I promise I will not hurt you."

"I know you won't, I know that," Beckett said, adamant. "I know you won't hurt me but I can't help it. I'm trying and I need for you to know that. I need for you to be able to see that I am really trying."

"I see," Castle smiled and nodded. "Is that what you want? For me to see that you're trying so I'll keep waiting? Because I do and I will,"

"That's part of it, I guess," Beckett conceded with a nod.

"And the rest?" He asked and Beckett glanced away, fixing her gaze on the tub of ice cream still held in one of her hands. She scooped a finger through the frozen delight and lifted it to her mouth, sucking ice cream off her finger before pressing another deep kiss to Castle's lips.

"I want you,"

* * *

_Yeah, I did._


	6. Uncover

_So, just so we're square and all cards are on the table, I have to tell you that I'm absolutely seething green with jealousy that it's only a week and a day (it's now Sunday here in Australia, granted it's 5.30am, but still, it's Sunday) until the Season 5 premiere in the US (and Canada?).  
_

_I have no idea when we'll get to see it but, hello, we waited until JULY before we got to see Always so...  
_

_Anyway! Let's move on. :) I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
_

* * *

"Best way to eat ice cream, ever." Castle whispered, ensuring there were no sticky remnants of dessert on Beckett's lips. She grinned up at him, tucked perfectly against his side. The tub still half full of ice cream sitting on the coffee table alongside their now cold coffee. They'd continued to share the ice cream almost drinking it from each other's lips and fingers before Beckett had twisted around and set the tub down on the coffee table and slipped sideways off Castle's lap and back onto the couch.

She was now cuddled against his side with her feet tucked up and her head resting comfortably against his shoulder. Simply enjoying being with him in such close proximity. "After tonight I think I'm going to struggle to go back to feeding myself the boring old way." Castle said and Beckett rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure you'll manage, Castle."

"Only because I have to," He mumbled and Beckett rolled her eyes again before adjusting her head against Castle's shoulder, staring at a spot on the couch beside him. They were silent for a long time, just existing together in shared space.

"I have this nightmare sometimes and it's always the same one." Beckett said. "I've been having it on and off since," She stopped, her eyes lifting to meet Castle's. "Since the spring." She said and looked away quickly, but not quickly enough to miss the flash of sudden understanding in Castle's eyes. "I thought it was gone," She shrugged, her hand moving unconsciously to cover the scar in the centre of her chest. "But I guess I was wrong. Just after this body dropped it started up again and it just keeps coming. Now it's every single night, every single time I close my eyes, every single time I relax the images creep in. It hasn't been this bad since the summer after I got shot,"

"Beckett,"

"I know I could have told you," She said before he could speak. "I know I probably should have told you but I just, I don't know, I didn't want to burden you with them or something. I didn't want to share them with you in case they haunted you too."

"I'd gladly take it, but it doesn't work that way so you don't need to worry about it." Castle said. "You won't give me your nightmares."

"I know that but it's not exactly something I'm good at being rational about." She sighed. "And I didn't know how to tell you that I'd lied. I didn't know how to tell you that I remembered."

"I had them too," Castle offered. "Until I saw you come back to your badass self. Until I realised that you were alive, you were ok and my Beckett was still in there and as strong as ever."

"_Your_ Beckett?" She said looking up at him again.

"Sue me," Castle said shrugged. "You wanna tell me more about it? Could help. Take some of the power out of it by sharing it."

"It's so real, you know?" Beckett said shaking her head, her eyes drifting to some place far away again. "The smells and the sounds, the feeling of the ground under my feet. I'm barefoot, in the dream, in the cemetery where it happened but it's dark," She said, narrowing her eyes as she recalled the images that had been haunting her so relentlessly. "I'm running away from something, or from someone, but I don't know what it is. Running to get to someone, maybe, I don't know. I can't hear anything except my own breathing and my heart beating way too fast, my own footsteps. I'm scared and alone. It's cold, I can feel the cold soaking in to my skin." She said, a chill running down her spine.

Castle began rubbing gentle circles on Beckett's hip where his hand rested against the smooth skin just under the hem of her shirt. Beckett squeezed her eyes closed and tried to focus on the soothing motion of Castle's thumb, instead of the panic rising in the back of her throat. "There's this dull sort of pop and then I hear it, Rick," She whispered his name so quietly Castle almost couldn't hear it. He didn't move, couldn't move, could only watch as a tear glided down her nose and soaked into his shirt. "That sickening crack of a bullet breaking through bone."

"It's ok," Castle said dropping a kiss to the crown of Beckett's head. "Kate, it's ok."

"Then I'm falling," Beckett continued, opening her eyes and shaking her head. "I close my eyes and just go down with this weight on my chest. It still feels cold but there's something else, a heat that wasn't there before. I don't know how long it takes but eventually I realise it's blood. I can smell it and taste it and feel the sticky slick heat of it," She said swallowing and letting her eyes fall closed again, more tears falling from her eyes.

"The weight on my chest is you, your arm, but it's not like it was at Montgomery's funeral. I open my eyes and I see you looking at me," She said with a weak voice, bottom jaw trembling. "But it's not like it was, it's not like it was when it really happened. Your eyes aren't warm and scared and full of love like they were that day in the cemetery, they're cold and they're empty. In my dream your eyes are broken."

"Oh, Kate," Castle said, suddenly realising where her dream ended.

"It's what would have happened if you'd made it, Castle, it's what would have happened if you'd beat the bullet to me and it's terrifying. It's terrifying because I know that you will always try," She sobbed. "And you shouldn't, Rick, you shouldn't because I don't deserve this. You don't deserve this. You deserve better than this but you'll stay and you'll do it anyway. You'll always try, you'll throw yourself and you'll, it'll, it isn't, you can't, we shouldn't, I don't, we,"

Her breath came in short, sharp gasps, her eyes unfocussed, rolling in their sockets, and there was a crushing weight pressing against her chest. She tried to speak, tried to ask for help or to call out but all that came out was a garbled string of inarticulate noises. Her entire body shook violently and tears spilled down her cheeks. She tried to swallow but the back of her throat felt like it was coated in thick syrup.

"Kate," Castle's strong voice broke through the storm of jumbled thoughts tumbling through Beckett's brain. "Kate, listen to me, find my voice." She suddenly became aware of strong arms around her shoulders and warmth pressed against one of her cheeks, puffs of air tickling one ear. "It's ok, Kate, it's ok. Just breathe deep, just breathe, it's ok," He cooed to her softly in a deep calming tone. "Breathe with me, Kate, in and out, nice and slowly. You can do it, just focus on my voice, focus on my breath."

"You're hugging me," Beckett said weakly after a few minutes and a chuckle rumbled through Castle's chest, his cheek still pressed firmly to hers.

"Yes, I am," He nodded and pulled back slightly, his arms sliding around to grip each of her shoulders. He was now kneeling directly in front of her but Beckett couldn't remember exactly when he'd slipped away from her side on the couch.

"You're on the floor," She said blinking slowly and Castle's mouth quirked into a half grin.

"Yes," He nodded again. He lifted one hand away from her shoulder and used the backs of his fingers to wipe the streaks of tears from her cheeks, watching as realisation dawned in her wide, round, doe eyes.

"I had a panic attack," She said but it was half a question.

"Yes," Castle nodded a third time, kissing her forehead softly before wrapping his arms completely around her still trembling frame and pulling her firmly against his chest. He felt heat spread across her skin as embarrassment settled over her and he knew, without looking, that a dark red blush was now colouring her skin. "Don't be embarrassed, Kate, it's ok. I won't think any less of you for showing this part of yourself."

"I know," Beckett nodded, sniffing softly. She closed her eyes and drew a deep, calming breath through her nose as she listened to Castle's steady heartbeat. Castle squeezed her shoulders gently and kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek against her crown. "Thank you," She whispered.

* * *

_Stop! Snuggle time! Sorry, no duckies here. I hope I'm forgiven?  
_


	7. Sleep

_Thank you for your sympathy regarding the wait til we get Season 5 down here and thank you to AustrALIEN for catching me up on the Aussie Castle Goss! February, really?! I have a whole bunch of expletives to summarise my reaction to that! Much appreciated though, better to know than not know. And because LittleLizzieZentara asked, in case anyone else is wondering, the cover picture for this story is a screen cap from the Season One bloopers. I didn't cap it (it's from tumblr) but I did crop it and apply a yellow hue. I'm not sure which episode the blooper is from. Nanny McDead, I think - my memory is not that good!  
_

_ANYWAY!  
_

_This damn chapter (which is the second last, by the way) just refused to be written!_

_There was __hours upon hours of staring at a blinking cursor__ on a blank page and a lot of cursing Steve's name (this story was named Steve before it received a proper title, for anyone playing along at home) for probably two weeks until this finally fell out onto a page. In the end, I must admit, I kinda like it. I hope the same goes for you. :)  
_

* * *

Beckett squeezed her eyes more tightly closed and swallowed, drawing a deep breath through her nose and nuzzling into the pillow. She frowned, her eyes still closed, when she realised that her pillow was not only warm but breathing. Beckett smiled, lifting her head from where it rested against Castle's bicep and looking up towards his face.

He was lying on his side, his back to the back of the couch. Beckett was lying on her side facing Castle's chest, almost precariously on the edge of the couch except that Castle's arms were wrapped around her holding her securely to him. He had one across her waist, around her back and tucked under her hip, the other under her head and diagonally behind her head, his hand resting against her shoulder. It was still predawn and the loft was dark except for the silvery glow of the lights in the streets outside. Beckett pulled her bottom lip in behind her teeth and shifted slightly as she laid her head back against Castle's arm, trying to get comfortable again.

She suppressed a laugh when she heard an inarticulate noise rumble inside Castle's chest, she could have sworn he'd just said something about mallard ducks, and he tightened his arms around her, squeezing her and pressing her against his chest.

"Castle, let me roll over," She whispered loudly and he seemed to obey, loosening his grip just enough for her to turn over in the circle of his arms, her back now pressed against his chest and the length of his body. "Thank you," She said adjusting her head against the arm he had under her.

"No, Kate," Castle mumbled, clicking his tongue in sleep as he bent his arm up and tucked his hand under his cheek. "Stay," He said, his other arm banding securely around her again, his hand splayed across her stomach.

"I'll stay, Castle," Beckett whispered relaxing back into his chest and closing her eyes again. "Always," She sighed on a yawn, already drifting back to sleep.

* * *

Castle blinked awake and looked around the living room of his loft in confusion for a moment his eyes snapping to the top of Beckett's head when she sighed in her sleep and shifted slightly against him. He was spooned up behind her. Her back pressed against his chest, her head resting on his arm, the backs of her thighs resting against his as they lay with their knees slightly bent. Castle had one hand against Beckett's stomach, having worked under the hem of her shirt during the night. His thumb was resting just below her bellybutton and the tips of his pinkie and ring finger were just below the waistband of her jeans.

He grinned idiotically, he knew, but he couldn't help it. He was spooning with Katherine Beckett and practically had his hand _down. her. pants_. He knew she'd be rolling her eyes at him if she could hear the thoughts inside his head. Either that or dislocating his rogue fingers. Castle frowned slightly when he felt a shiver run through Beckett's sleeping body.

"Are you cold?" His sleep fogged brain allowed him to ask before he realised. Beckett hummed in the back of her throat and Castle grinned dopily again. He grudgingly removed his hand from her stomach and reached behind him, feeling along the back of the couch for a rug but found himself unable to find one. He frowned as memories of his mother spilling wine drifted through his mind. Beckett shivered again and Castle frowned further. "Roll over, Beckett," Castle said sleepily, moving his hand to rest against Beckett's hip. "Come on, I've got you," He said.

Castle lowered both his arms to wrap around Beckett and held her tightly against his chest, lifting her weight as he began to roll over onto his back. "Castle?" Beckett questioned sleepily.

"Shh," Castle cooed softly. "Just roll over, it's ok." He said guiding her to move towards the back of the couch.

"Mm, s'early?" She mumbled, shifting against him and rolling slightly, slipping down between his body and the back of the couch.

"Yeah, and cold." Castle said. "Lemme keep you warm."

"'kay," Beckett nodded slowly and Castle wasn't sure if she was even really awake as she found a comfortable position against him. "G'night,"

"Sweet dreams." Castle whispered surveying their new position. Beckett had turned over onto her stomach and was lying beside Castle, tucked comfortably between the back of the couch and his body, half draped across his chest with her head resting against the front of his shoulder. Castle had one arm underneath her, looped under her waist, his hand resting against the back of her hip.

He realised dully that the only reason his detective was so pliable and sleepy was because she was exhausted. Having been tormented by her nightmares for a week and unable to get any restful sleep had worn her down day by day and Castle was still stunned and amazing by his extraordinary partner. She still showed up at the precinct and fought to give a voice to the victim who could no longer tell their own story. She fought to finish the final chapter in their latest victim's life.

He had so much respect for this woman, he admired her so much, and he wondered if she'd ever really get it. He wondered if she'd ever realise just how truly inspiring her fight and her spirit were, despite everything she'd suffered personally, she still showed up.

"Castle," Beckett whispered and Castle looked towards her. Her eyes were open, peering up at him through her lashes.

"Go back to sleep, it's too early." Castle said.

"I can practically hear you thinking." She said, blinking slowly.

"Sorry," He offered and shrugged slightly. "Go back to sleep, no more thinking, I promise."

"I almost believe it, too." She slurred slightly, resting her head against his chest again and letting her eyes fall closed. It registered briefly that she hadn't made any attempt to pull away from him, she hadn't reacted to their sleeping positions and was happy enough to lie with him on his couch. "Stop it," Beckett grumbled.

"Get out of my head," Castle said lifting his head and kissing her crown.

"Can't," Beckett shrugged.

"Ok, ok, no more thinking."

"Thank you," She said lifting one hand to cover his where it rested against his chest. Castle smiled and closed his eyes again.

* * *

_Thank you Lexi for putting up with my 47 thousand questions about this story and for being patient while simultaneously lovingly stabbing me to WRITE MOAR! I wanted to make it cute? And also get in Castle copping a feel because ... well, the guy deserves a break.  
_

_One more to go! And it WILL be up by the 24th because after that I'm going to hide under my desk in order to avoid spoilers until I get to see Castle too!  
_


	8. Wake

_**Happy birthday Lexi! x**_

_Last chapter! Feed these birds!_

* * *

"Shit, Castle, wake up." Beckett said pushing herself up on one elbow and looking down at Castle, his head was turned to one side, mouth parted slightly in sleep. "Richard," She snapped loudly.

"Whowha, apples!" Castle startled awake, snorting loudly as his body tensed and he sat forward slightly before falling back against the couch cushions. "Beckett, what the hell? This is not how I imagined the morning after would play out, we're both wearing far too many clothes." He frowned.

"Good morning," Beckett said rolling her eyes. "We have to get up. It's almost seven and I wanted to be at the precinct an hour ago. I need to go home and shower. You need to get up and shower, too, we have an open case waiting for us and you have me effectively pinned here."

"We could shower here," Castle said, his fingers tensing against the small of her back, stroking softly. "Together." He said with a suggestive leer.

"Not gonna happen, Stud, but thanks for playing." Beckett said stretching up and laying a kiss against Castle's lips. "Come on, let me up so I can go." She said, her face lingering a few inches from Castle's. She saw a brief flash of something like panic in his eyes. "I'm not running away, Castle, I'm not fleeing from you. I'm not going anywhere except work and you're coming with me anyway."

"Ok," Castle smiled and nodded, stealing another kiss as he sat up, guiding Beckett up with him and swinging one of his legs over the side of the couch.

"I mean it, Rick," Beckett said kneeling beside him on the couch, reaching out to take his face between her hands and lifting his head until he met her eyes. "I'm not going to walk away from this, from us. I want this, I want you."

"I know," Castle nodded.

"Waking up with you, in your arms, it felt good, it felt right. I want this every morning except maybe not on the couch." She smiled. "I am afraid and I'm not going to hide that from you, I can't hide it from you. We have a lot to work out but we will get there, I know we will."

"It won't be easy, we both know that," Castle said. "But we can do this, Kate,"

"We can," She nodded. "We will, I don't want to wait anymore but I can only give you one day at a time."

"I'd never ask you for more than that,"

"Just for now, it won't always be that way. I'm still terrified of forever, Castle, but that doesn't mean I don't want to make it there with you eventually. I'm just not ready to give it to you right now, I'm working on it though."

"I know you are," Castle nodded.

"I wanted to wait, I guess, I wanted to wait until I could give it to you straight away but I know now that's not how it works. I know you don't expect me to be perfect."

"You're pretty perfect,"

"Stop that," Beckett said rolling her eyes. "I want this chance, I'm ready for it. I'm ready to stop hiding and start living. I just don't want to screw this up, Rick," She whispered his name like a prayer. "I'm so scared I'm going to lose you as a friend, as the touch stone and constant in my life. You're the only person I can always rely on and I'm terrified that I'm going to ruin that."

"I will never hurt you, I already told you that. I'll never leave you, never abandon you. Jesus Kate, I would have by now if that were ever going to be the case. I'm too invested in this, in us, in _you_, to give up on it now. I know it won't be easy, I know we'll fight and we'll drive each other crazy half the time but the memories and the moments we can have together are worth it. I'm ready to give,"

"You never stopped giving," Beckett interrupted. "It's never been about you, it's always been me. It's always been my fear and my inability to take."

"So start taking, Beckett,"

"I will," Beckett smiled and nodded. "I will and you better be ready to do the same because I'm going to start giving as well. As much as I can,"

"Ok," Castle smiled and nodded. "Ok, and in whatever time it takes."

"Your patience as far as I'm concerned has been more than proven." Beckett smiled, leaning forward and pressing her lips gently to his. She rose up on her knees slightly, deepening the kiss as her hands slid from his face around behind his neck, Castle's hands coming up to her hips and pulling her closer to him. She tried to pour everything she could into the kiss, she tried to show him all the things she wasn't ready to voice yet.

Her commitment to him.

Her willingness to try.

Her love.

"You're going to be the death of me," Castle whispered, panting slightly, when they broke the kiss.

"Yes, I am, because you are making me late," She grinned, moving backwards to sit on her heels and poking him in the centre of the chest. He recoiled slightly, rubbing his supposedly injured chest. "I have to go. I'm going to stop by my apartment to shower and change and I'll meet you at the precinct later, ok?"

"Shower here, with or without me."

"No," Beckett smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

"Let me at least fix you some breakfast."

"No," Beckett said again with another kiss.

"Coffee?" He offered hopefully.

"No," She giggled, another kiss.

"That's not fair," He pouted.

"I know," She nodded and kissed him again before moving to stand up. Before she could rise to her feet Castle grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards him, hauling her into his lap. She came to rest straddling his thighs and he pulled her face to his for another kiss. Sweet, slow and with as much passion as was possible. "If you're trying to change my mind, it's not going to work." Beckett said, smiling and stroking her thumb across Castle's cheek as she moved to put a few inches of space between them. "Almost though," She said and his pout bloomed into a smile. "If there wasn't a case waiting for me, you could definitely convince me to stay right here but that's not how it is. We have a case,"

"I know," Castle nodded and released his hold on Beckett, allowing her to rise to her feet. "I'll see you at the precinct in about an hour?" He asked also getting to his feet, moving with Beckett across the loft towards the door, waiting while she pulled her boots and jacket back on.

"Sounds good," Beckett nodded.

"I'll bring you coffee and something to eat,"

"My hero," Beckett smiled.

"Man of your dreams?" Castle asked and Beckett was unable to stop herself giggling.

"Yes," She nodded. "My knight in shining armour, slayer of my nightmares." She smiled, kissing him chastely one more time before opening the door and stepping out into the hall. Castle leant forward, catching her by the hip before she could move away, breathing a single word into her ear before releasing her.

"Always,"

* * *

___Ooh! A KNIGHT on the couch! Geddit? ;) I wish I was as clever as I thought I was.  
It kind of beats Steve, though, for a title. Or 'CPR Humping' which was the unofficial title of my first Castle fic (then I took the corny option and called it How To Save a Life)...the one I'm working on right now ... am supposed to be working on right now, anyway ... is called Moist (I'll explain more when I actually get to a point of having something substantial to post, feel free to drop by)._

___*cough* shameless plug *cough coughcough*  
_

_Oh, I know, I know! No, stop that! I KNOW it's a cliché ending but I couldn't help it! I wasn't sure how else to wrap it all up and stick a nice little bow on top.  
_

_If you have a better suggestion, I'm open to that!  
_

**Thanks for reading! :)**


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